Queen Elsa of Penn's Woods


My birth name is Elsa, and to my knowledge, I'm not a fictional character. I'm just as real as you are. My blog is mostly stuff I saw on my dash.  (Not my pictures.)

Ask me anything

mydrunkkitchen:

More info on Net Neutrality… plus some Harry Potter Nostalgia!

Ten Women I Have Been Warned Against Becoming:

1. The Girl Who Takes Up Too Much Space, always, her shoulders too wide in stairwells, her hips too big in doorways, her voice too loud in classes. This woman does not understand the art of crumbling, of curling herself tight like the spiral of a fern, soft, delicate, unwilling to reach out the ivy of her fingers to grasp onto what should rightfully be hers. This is a beast, an elephant, a moving mountain and she is capable of flattening you, she is capable of ruining you, she is capable of making you feel as small and insignificant in her life as she is supposed to be. You are this woman’s footnote to history, you are her side note in song lyrics, you are constantly interrupted by her with a witty joke you wish you thought of. I asked what the problem was with being a steamroller instead of a sunflower and I was laughed down.

2. The Beautiful One, the long hair or the slim waist or the pretty eyes or the lips like bowstrings. This woman looks good in everything because she’s confident in whatever you put her in. She’ll cut her hair short on you no matter how you like it, she’ll wear high heels and step on your opinions, she’ll look hot as hell no matter what size she is. See, the reason you can’t trust her is because women like this don’t need your permission, they’ll do as they please and get away with it. They’ll say no to you, over and over. Teach your daughters that beautiful means dangerous, teach them to distrust women who love themselves. Equate beautiful with vapid, equate pretty with stupid, take their power from them. Say they’re vain for their makeup, refuse to see them without it. These women are snakes, they are serpents. I said maybe the problem lies with you being unable to control yourself and was told to get off my pedestal.

3. A Bitch. Women are supposed to be ladies in the street but will tear skin under sheets. I’m told: Never raise your voice. Speak gently. Submit. Hold your opinion against your lips and when you admit to it, make sure it comes out as a butterfly wing suggestion. Don’t disagree. Don’t undermine someone else’s authority, regardless of whether or not they deserve your respect. Someone touches you, just move away from them. Don’t hit. Don’t talk back. Be like the ruins of Rome, only beautiful if you can’t hear your quiet death.

4. The Needy One. I have heard how others spit when they talk about how she gave you everything and you shoved it back down her throat until she choked on it, until she came back crawling and asked you what she did, until her palms and knees were scraped for want of just a little affection - never be this woman, I’m told, because she’s a joke and the joke is that she dared to have more emotion than you did. The truth is, I’m told, the one who cares less in a partnership is the one who wins. I didn’t know this was a competition.

5. The Cock Tease, certified stripper, how dare that girl look like that and not want me to sleep with her. Lust is always personified as a lady in red with a dress slit up her thigh. Lust is sinful because it’s power, it’s not asking for attention - it’s demanding it. I’m told she is the worst kind of woman, that looking good is supposed to be some kind of shame on her kin. I’m told not to leave the house in such a short skirt, not with a shirt so low, not with a lace back, not with high heels, not dressed like that. My lipstick can’t be too red, my hair can’t be too mussed, I can’t just “turn someone on like that and then leave them wanting.” I mentioned that instant gratification actually ruins our psyche and was told that being led on was “exhausting.” I said that there was a difference between purposefully tricking someone into liking you and just being attractive or friendly. I was told there’s also a difference between coffee and tea but both result in caffeine. I said, “I’ve been turned on in class by the girls I talk to but I didn’t expect anything from them,” and they said, “It’s different, you’re not a man,” but couldn’t explain where that difference was.

6. A Slut, obviously ruined by another person’s touch. It doesn’t matter how many people she’s actually been with, it’s all about the rumors she carries with her. Easy. Harlot. You’ll still try to get with her, you’ll still take her into your bed and kiss her and say things you don’t mean - but you’ll defame her name when you talk to your buddies. My father used to say “A slut is fine for the night, but the virgin is who you take home and marry.” Maybe he didn’t know he was teaching his daughter to hate her sexuality. Maybe he didn’t know that every time she’d be kissed, her whole system would shake until she felt ready to combust, shame and self-hatred shivering against her spine. Maybe he didn’t know she’d disconnect emotions and sex because he always told her, “Boys are different, they won’t care about you.” Nobody said to her that it was okay to experiment. See, the funny thing is, I’m a dancer so I know exactly where my center of gravity is. I know how hard I’ll fall in each direction. Yet out of fear of getting hurt, I won’t let a single person inside of my bed.

7. The Soulmate. Never love romance more than you love being cynical. Never show weakness, never like pink, never think maybe you might find someone nice and settle down with them. Someone will find you, I was told, And if you’re lucky, he’ll put up with you when you start getting old. Never be the woman who believes in happily ever after, never be dumb enough to think maybe someone could love you after all of your mistakes. It has nothing to do with whether or not a family is important to you and you’re in a good place where a relationship would make your life better - you’re not a princess. You don’t get married, you settle.

8. The Girl With Strength, who can outrun everyone and who is stronger than her boyfriend. “See the thing about boys,” says my daddy, “Is that you have to let them win.” I sat at home and read stories about Artemis and wanted to become the huntress, too. I wanted to howl at the moon, I wanted to slay the beasts that bested me, I wanted to rule my kingdom with bloody fists. But girls are never athletes, never supposed to be “built,” regardless of the fact civilizations were constructed on our spines and we made homes in war by the steel of our ribs. Never be strong. We are supposed to wilt.

9. The Lady CEO: because if you choose work over family, are you really a girl? How dare you fight your way to the top through every pair of eyes that bore through your blouse, through every meeting where you were hushed by the sound of someone else talking, through every time someone called you “sweetie,” how dare you yearn for something. Is your husband the stay-at-home one? I can’t imagine how that is going. He’s not a real man, after all. I don’t give it long before the divorce. How dare you decide you’re happy being single. Don’t you know you’re supposed to bear children. Where is your honor? Where is your wisdom? Who cares if you are the leader, the best suited for your position, the quickest-thinking, the one who makes the hardest clients come back again. Don’t you see? Across history, women have been terrible at success. They always lose their man in the end. (When I said, “I would rather be a famous author than a mediocre mother,” I was told, “No, don’t worry, you’ll be a fine mommy.”)

10. THE GIRL I AM: FIRECRACKER AND DON’T YOU FUCKING FORGET IT I’LL RIP YOU TO SHREDS AND I WON’T FUCKING REGRET IT I’M NOT YOUR PRETTY GIRL I’M NOT YOUR ANYTHING I’M PERFECT, MOTHERFUCKER, AND I’M NOT GOING TO GIVE UP WHAT I’M DOING. I DON’T WANT TO BE “LADYLIKE” THAT LITERALLY MEANS NOTHING I’M NOT GOING TO STOP STANDING UP AND DEMANDING WHAT’S COMING TO ME. I’M GONNA BE SOMEBODY. I’M GONNA MAKE THEM REMEMBER ME. I REFUSE TO BE OVERSHADOWED IN HISTORY. I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO CREATE BUT YOU MADE ME A DRAGON YOU PUT ME IN THE FIRE AND WHEN I STOPPED BURNING I LEARNED HOW TO GLOW DON’T THINK YOU CAN STOP ME YOU CAN’T TAME A TORNADO.

In respectful response to a poem tilted, “Ten men women have warned me against becoming." /// r.i.d (via inkskinned)

Source: inkskinned

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

basileus-omniworks:

misha-bawlins:

This drink I like it. Another!

I love how quickly he readjusts to the culture so foreign to him. Like, he does not even protest or try to explain this is how it’s done in Asgard so it’s how it SHOULD be done because he’s a mighty god and stuff. He’s just like “but I… oh I see smashing mugs is not a custom here. I’m sorry I won’t do it again :( “

A lot of people could learn from this.

Tourists everywhere on earth need to learn from Thor’s example…

Source: maxmff

annethecatdetective:

whereisyourredscaaahf:

johnfreakingegbert:

aztecpriincess:

theskiesabovelife:

Why Tumblr should Fall In Love with Frida Kahlo. 

YES OMFG
YES

i love everything about this because i love frida kahlo, but how are you going to not list the fact she was in a horrible bus accident that basically crippled her for most of her life and while lying bedridden she began to paint. frida kahlo didn’t give up and that makes her truly amazing.

Every single Frida Kahlo appreciation post Ive seen egregiously neglects the fact that she endured and survived a car accident that resulted in a metal pole being shoved through her body and essentially destroying her uterus. This incident informed many of her paintings and depictions of herself and yet she did not allow it to end herself. Her paintings became monuments to and representations of her suffering that she freely, openly and powerfully expressed. She painted her reality defying not only conventional beauty norms and continuing to slay anyways, but also artistic norms. While others considered her works surreal, she adamantly stood her ground saying that they were not surreal at all; that they were 100% accurate and realistic depictions of her suffering. And I think for someone to turn life crippling tragedy into the worlds most recognized self portraits is pretty badass and worth appreciating.

Yeah, her disability was CRUCIAL to her life as an artist— it was while she was recovering from her accident that she began to paint, and she explored self-portrait so thoroughly because it was all she had— she had a mirror over her bed and paints, and she used art as a way to cope with the MASSIVE amount of pain she was in and the fact that just as she was (I’ve seen sources that say 16 and others that say 19 but that age range), her whole world was reduced to suffering in a bed, for a very long time.

For that matter, she was not perfectly able-bodied before her accident because of childhood illness, but after the accident… She had her youth stolen, and she rebelled against being seen as an invalid, as being reduced to her suffering (the way that disabled people are STILL viewed), and she presented herself in her own terms in part to throw in the faces of those who presumed to narrow her down to the image of what they thought a ‘sick woman’ was/should be.

Source: theskiesabovelife

The Rio Caño Cristales - most colorful river (caused by algae and moss seen through the water), Colombia.

Source: kelledia

fighthehurricane:

you know what I do when I don’t like a character?

  • I don’t talk about them.
  • I don’t go into their tag.
  • If I see an edit of them, I ignore it.
  • I may even blacklist their name if the dislike is strong enough.

you know what I don’t do when I don’t like a character?

  • go in their tag
  • reblog edits of them just to complain
  • make posts about them
  • in general, I don’t waste my time and breath on them

it’s….it’s a remarkably simple concept

it makes life a whole lot nicer

Source: fighthehurricane

mydrunkkitchen:

womenhacks:

URL: http://www.womenhacks.com/life-tips/how-to-remove-permanent-marker-from-things/

How to remove permanent marker from things


I really feel like I should test this one out… perhaps in the form of a video?

mydrunkkitchen:

womenhacks:

URL: http://www.womenhacks.com/life-tips/how-to-remove-permanent-marker-from-things/

How to remove permanent marker from things

I really feel like I should test this one out… perhaps in the form of a video?

Tagged: Referencepossibly

Source: diy-snacks

thehumanbutt:

congalineofdurin:

lifting-spirits:

mr-noodle-arms:

willycheesesteak:

Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy - Dancing Groot

“Baby Groot dancing is 100 percent me. I was too embarrassed for anyone to be there, so I made everyone leave the room and I set up a camera and I videotaped myself dancing. Then I sent the video to the animators and had them animate over that. I begged them not to leak the video! Two of my closest friends came to an early screening and said ‘Hey, I recognize those moves! That’s you dancing isn’t it?!’” - Vin Diesel

reblogged before but that comment just makes it that much better

READ THE COMMENT

Vin Diesel is actually precious and we must protect him

Source: willycheesesteak

husktop:

fairytalewitch:

goneseriesblog:

kotten-not-cotton:

Thank you Michael Grant for understanding

Guys can we get this to 1500? 

And this isn’t even taking things like bullying, barely-edible school lunches, peer pressure, etc. into account. School can be the worst kind of hell. It was my hell. Hell to me would be being stuck in high school for eternity.

WOW I RLLY WANNA START HIGH SCHOOL IN A FEW HOURS NOW

husktop:

fairytalewitch:

goneseriesblog:

kotten-not-cotton:

Thank you Michael Grant for understanding

Guys can we get this to 1500? 

And this isn’t even taking things like bullying, barely-edible school lunches, peer pressure, etc. into account. School can be the worst kind of hell. It was my hell. Hell to me would be being stuck in high school for eternity.

WOW I RLLY WANNA START HIGH SCHOOL IN A FEW HOURS NOW

Source: kotten-not-cotton

lizawithazed:

rairii:

cupcakemichi:

thelethifoldwitch:

Val was adopted. Her dad, lovely though he was, wasn’t really her dad. She didn’t know who really was though, and her dad was kind, even if she refused to call him “dad”.
She’d never known why he’d fought so hard adopt her. She was the weird kid at the foster home, the one weird stuff happened around, the one who’d managed to warn Gemma that there was an adder by her foot, and managed to tease the adder away. 
(She made things vanish too, though she didn’t know where they went. She could get them to come back, sometimes.)
But Dudley had fought for her, said that yes, the other children were perfectly lovely but Valerian Makepeace was something else, something, he said, pointing to her empty file, no other parents had seemed prepared to accept.
Val was a child Dudley Dursley fought to adopt, and adopt her he did. When things went missing he was never angry. When odd things happened he never demanded to know what had occurred. When the snake crawled up his leg and only Val could get it off he just nodded and said, “just like Harry you are.”
She didn’t really know who Harry was. 
But when, that summer, the year she turned 11, an owl landed on her windowsill, holding a letter in its beak, Dudley smiled. “Just like Harry you are,” he said again.
He explained about magic - or what little he could. Explained how his cousin - no, he wasn’t in contact with Harry much anymore, just that odd moving Christmas card each year - could do magic. Explained how there was a place in London, Diagonally, where she could get the things on the list, if she wanted to go.
Val wanted to go.
Dudley sent a letter to his cousin. The address (Godric’s Hollow, what a funny name, Val thought) neatly written and the letter quickly responded to. A barn owl (named Wendelin, apparently) came with a letter saying to go to a particular corner in London, where Harry would meet them.
Meet them he did, him and his whole family, and extended family, red head after red head, and Harry standing dark haired among them all, two dark haired boys, bickering beside him.
"Val are you?" he said, bending a bit so his eyes, dancing and green, were at her height. "It’s alright, I didn’t know what was going on when I was told. You’re a witch. Have you ever done strange things before?"
Val nodded because she had, though she’d always hesitated to call them magic.
"It’s alright. Would you like me to show you how to do something else strange?"
Val nodded because this was an adult not just, as dad did, accepting the strangeness, but asking for it. When she tapped the bricks, lifted by Dudley so she could reach the top one, she didn’t expect anything to happen.
But they moved.
Behind her the army of redheads cheered, and as her dad lifted her down and touched a kiss to her hair she smiled, properly, widely, as she handed the wand back.
She knew what she was now.
(Image Source)
(Idea of Dudley having a muggle-born Slytherin daughter from ninnieamee)

I want a seven book series with 8 movie adaptations STAT

I need this intensely, forever

PLEEEEEASE I NEED IT LIKE YESTERDAY

lizawithazed:

rairii:

cupcakemichi:

thelethifoldwitch:

Val was adopted. Her dad, lovely though he was, wasn’t really her dad. She didn’t know who really was though, and her dad was kind, even if she refused to call him “dad”.

She’d never known why he’d fought so hard adopt her. She was the weird kid at the foster home, the one weird stuff happened around, the one who’d managed to warn Gemma that there was an adder by her foot, and managed to tease the adder away. 

(She made things vanish too, though she didn’t know where they went. She could get them to come back, sometimes.)

But Dudley had fought for her, said that yes, the other children were perfectly lovely but Valerian Makepeace was something else, something, he said, pointing to her empty file, no other parents had seemed prepared to accept.

Val was a child Dudley Dursley fought to adopt, and adopt her he did. When things went missing he was never angry. When odd things happened he never demanded to know what had occurred. When the snake crawled up his leg and only Val could get it off he just nodded and said, “just like Harry you are.”

She didn’t really know who Harry was. 

But when, that summer, the year she turned 11, an owl landed on her windowsill, holding a letter in its beak, Dudley smiled. “Just like Harry you are,” he said again.

He explained about magic - or what little he could. Explained how his cousin - no, he wasn’t in contact with Harry much anymore, just that odd moving Christmas card each year - could do magic. Explained how there was a place in London, Diagonally, where she could get the things on the list, if she wanted to go.

Val wanted to go.

Dudley sent a letter to his cousin. The address (Godric’s Hollow, what a funny name, Val thought) neatly written and the letter quickly responded to. A barn owl (named Wendelin, apparently) came with a letter saying to go to a particular corner in London, where Harry would meet them.

Meet them he did, him and his whole family, and extended family, red head after red head, and Harry standing dark haired among them all, two dark haired boys, bickering beside him.

"Val are you?" he said, bending a bit so his eyes, dancing and green, were at her height. "It’s alright, I didn’t know what was going on when I was told. You’re a witch. Have you ever done strange things before?"

Val nodded because she had, though she’d always hesitated to call them magic.

"It’s alright. Would you like me to show you how to do something else strange?"

Val nodded because this was an adult not just, as dad did, accepting the strangeness, but asking for it. When she tapped the bricks, lifted by Dudley so she could reach the top one, she didn’t expect anything to happen.

But they moved.

Behind her the army of redheads cheered, and as her dad lifted her down and touched a kiss to her hair she smiled, properly, widely, as she handed the wand back.

She knew what she was now.

(Image Source)

(Idea of Dudley having a muggle-born Slytherin daughter from ninnieamee)

I want a seven book series with 8 movie adaptations STAT

I need this intensely, forever

PLEEEEEASE I NEED IT LIKE YESTERDAY

Source: thelethifoldwitch